Relief and Rest: Mason Bond

I was blessed with great parents, living in a nice home with food on the table, and the opportunity to get a good education. Despite all of those gifts, I've always been a worrier. Dealing with what I now know to be OCD, life was always a little different for me; I always had a lot on my mind. Racing and intrusive thought plagued me, thoughts of horrible things were present most days. As anyone would, I searched for ways to find relief. I found respite as a kid going to youth group, church events, and making friends at school. I played baseball, had decent grades, and a family that loved me. I was told that God loved me, which I thought was pretty cool, so I hung on to that as well. I didn't have a close relationship with God yet, I was just going with what I was told to believe. These things sustained me until l began to struggle again in high school. My teen angst became a little more than what I bargained for, so I began to see a therapist to talk about ways to mitigate some pretty scary thoughts and feelings. Temporary relief.

Things started to get real when I began school at Baylor University. Armed with determination to make something of myself (as well as a little Prozac to take the edge off). I

made new friends, joined the Air Force ROTC program, and was feeling pretty good about myself. It wasn't until I was removed from AFROTC due to my Prozac prescription that I began to truly struggle again. I was devastated, in my frustration I stopped taking my medication, and those scary thoughts and feelings came rushing back worse than before. I had no outlet, therefore I turned to drugs and alcohol to cope. Most of my friends at Baylor were Christians, but I became hardened toward the faith; I was told that God loved me, but why would He burden me with this illness? Plus, I could get high and feel great while they still had to struggle with life. I spent my time at Baylor on and off drugs, and generally bitter about Christianity, but still searching for something... more.

After graduation, I secured an internship at a National Park site in New Mexico. Very excited, I moved there 5 days after my graduation ceremony. Working with great people and doing something that I was excited to do, I thought that finally this would offer the

relief I had been looking for. I felt like I was making a difference in the world and having fun doing it, but I was still ground down by the constant intrusive thoughts brought on by the OCD. I was always thinking about ways to cope with the thoughts; I had tried medicine and therapy, drugs and alcohol, family and friends, working a job, yet none of those things brought me relief that lasted. They were all self-serving endeavors. One night in February of 2023, my world came crashing down on top of me. I had convinced myself that I tried everything, that I would never find relief from my demons or forgiveness for what I had done in the past in search of relief. I couldn't do it anymore, so in my mind the only solution was to give up. Yes, I'm talking about that kind of giving up.

Alone in the middle of nowhere New Mexico, Jesus rescued me. It was as if He was sitting next to me on the edge of my bed that night; almost like He nudged me, leaned over and said, "Do not be afraid; only believe" (Mark 5:36). Truly I had been living in fear until that night. Exhausted, I decided to turn it over to God just to see what would happen. I found a way to live, a path to follow, and finally RELIEF! Of course I still face challenges, I still deal with the OCD, but now I have something much more powerful than the evils of this world on my side. To this day I can say that the Lord saved my life that night, I found forgiveness in Him, and He hasn't failed me yet! I pray that others may find relief in the Lord, for he offers rest for the soul (Matt. 11:28-30).